How British Methodists came to accept couples living together

What did the Methodist Conference decide in June 2021?

The Methodist Conference decided to confirm three resolutions on relationships, one of which recognises and celebrates unmarried couples who live together. In an announcement dated 30 June 2021, the Methodist Church said the Conference, meeting that week in Birmingham, had confirmed provisional resolutions on three subjects: the principles of good relating, an understanding of cohabitation, and same-sex marriages conducted on Methodist premises or by Methodist office-holders ^[1]. The meeting was held both online and in person ^[2].

The Church Times reported the votes. The resolution on cohabitation passed by 253 votes to 38, and the Conference resolved to recognise, accept and celebrate the love and commitment of unmarried cohabiting couples ^[2]. The resolution on same-sex marriage passed by 254 votes to 46, permitting ministers to conduct same-sex marriages in Methodist churches and buildings where the law allows ^[2]. The Methodist Church's own news item gives no tally ^[1]. The 254 to 46 figure on same-sex marriage is also reported by Christian Today ^[10], but the 253 to 38 figure on cohabitation rests on the Church Times alone ^[2]. The main debate took place on the morning of Wednesday 30 June 2021 ^[1][2].

The Conference is the Methodist Church's governing body, and it is the body that can change Standing Orders. By confirming the resolutions it also approved changes to those orders, including the definition of marriage, which are described below ^[3]. First same-sex weddings in Methodist churches were expected in the autumn of 2021, according to the Church Times ^[2].

The decision applies to the Methodist Church in Britain. The Methodist Church in Ireland is a separate body and was not part of this vote.

Methodist Conference decisions on relationships, June 2021

Subject	What the Conference confirmed	Vote	Date
Principles of good relating	Relationships built on self-giving love, commitment, fidelity, honesty, mutual respect and equality	Tally not published in the sources read	30 June 2021
Cohabitation	Recognise, accept and celebrate the love and commitment of unmarried cohabiting couples	253 for, 38 against (reported by the Church Times)	30 June 2021
Same-sex marriage	Same-sex marriages on Methodist premises and by Methodist office-holders, with a conscience provision	254 for, 46 against	30 June 2021
District Synods (before Conference)	Provisional resolutions supported in local conferring	29 of 30 District Synods	Before June 2021

Where did the resolution come from?

The resolution came out of a report called God in Love Unites Us, which the Conference received in 2019 and which prompted a process of consultation across the Church. The Methodist Church's announcement names the report as the origin of the provisional resolutions ^[1]. Under Methodist procedure, a proposal of this kind is first adopted as provisional, sent to the Church's District Synods for discussion, and then returned to the following Conference for a final vote. The text of the provisional resolutions was published in April 2021, ahead of the Birmingham meeting ^[3].

The consultation was extensive. Of the 30 District Synods, 29 supported the provisional resolutions during local conferring, according to the Methodist Church ^[1]. The Church also consulted other denominations and Methodist churches around the world, received written submissions from ecumenical partners and held workshops with global Methodist partners ^[1]. The Church Times confirms the 29 of 30 figure and says both resolutions came from the 2019 report ^[2].

The report's origins lie in a much older question about what the Church should say to the many couples who live together before, or instead of, marrying. In England and Wales, about nine in ten opposite-sex couples who married in 2022, the latest year for which this breakdown is published, had lived together first, the highest level since records began in 1994 ^[8]. A church that wished to speak to its own members and neighbours could not ignore that fact.

The provisional text on cohabitation is cast in pastoral terms. It affirms that the love of God is present in the love of people who freely enter a life-enhancing committed relationship, whether informal cohabitation or a public commitment ^[3]. It says the Church wishes to celebrate that presence, even when those concerned do not recognise it, and that the Church is called to point to God's love in such relationships and to encourage people to deepen their commitment ^[3].

What does 'celebrating' cohabiting couples mean in practice?

In practice, celebrating means that the Church affirms the worth of the relationship and invites the couple to deepen their commitment, rather than requiring them to marry or separate before they are welcome. The cohabitation text does not lay down a service or a rule of membership ^[3]. The Conference's marriage guidance of 2022 restates the Church's understanding, that the love of God is present in such relationships and that the Church wishes to celebrate and encourage them ^[11], but this article found no liturgy or national rule issued for cohabiting couples. Whatever a local church does by way of welcome and prayer is therefore a matter for its ministers and members, and should be checked with the church concerned.

The companion resolution on good relating supplies the standard. It says all significant relationships should be built on self-giving love and the desire for the mutual flourishing of those involved, with commitment, fidelity, loyalty, honesty, mutual respect and equality ^[3]. It adds that the Church's historic emphasis on self-sacrifice has sometimes been misused by abusive partners, often against women ^[3]. The test is the quality of the relationship rather than its legal form, a theme that also runs through the Quaker report of 1963 (see below).

The revised Standing Orders set the frame for marriage itself. Standing Order 011A, as the Conference's later marriage guidance summarises it, describes marriage as an exclusive relationship, freely entered into with a life-long intention of uniting two people, and records that the Church recognises two understandings of marriage, one limiting it to a man and a woman and one allowing any two people, with provision made for both ^[11]. The Church Times reports that the canon was redrafted to remove the premise that marriage is between one man and one woman ^[2]. The same guidance says the Church welcomes everyone, whether or not a member, who enquires about an intended marriage ^[11].

Standing Order 011B protects conscience. No one authorised to conduct marriages has to officiate at a marriage that would go against their conscience ^[3][11]. The April 2021 text adds that divorce in a court of the land does not of itself prevent a person marrying in a Methodist place of worship ^[3]. A minister who will never officiate for reasons of conscience must have a pastoral conversation with the District Chair and the Superintendent and must refer the couple to an authorised colleague; for a same-sex wedding the District Chair must be notified ^[11]. The April 2021 text also says that objections to a particular minister's duties based on sexuality, gender or race are not entertained ^[3].

How was the decision received in and beyond British Methodism?

Reaction was strong on both sides, though the official tone was conciliatory. Sonia Hicks, the newly elected President of the Conference, praised a debate conducted “with grace and mutual respect” and called for continued prayer and mutual support across differences ^[2]. The Revd Dr Jonathan Hustler acknowledged the depth of feeling, pain and anxiety and committed to working with District Chairs on healing divisions ^[1]. Speakers asked that opponents of same-sex marriage not be ostracised, since most of them were trying to be faithful to Scripture as they understood it ^[1].

Supporters welcomed the vote. Jayne Ozanne, a lay member of the Church of England's General Synod and a campaigner for LGBT Christians, said LGBT+ people would be weeping tears of joy ^[2]. The group Dignity and Worth, which campaigns within Methodism, hoped LGBTQ people would hear the decision as affirming their dignity, while noting that it does not commit every member or minister to agree ^[4].

Evangelical Methodists were dismayed. The Revd Dr David Hull of Methodist Evangelicals Together called the result heart-breaking, said the conscience protection was unsustainable and predicted profound consequences for the denomination ^[4]. He said some people had already changed churches, others were considering their position and others felt called to stay and work for change, but the report gives no figures ^[4]. This article has not found membership statistics that would show how many left, so no number is given.

Notably, much of the public discussion focused on same-sex marriage rather than on cohabitation. The Church Times headline concentrated on same-sex weddings, and the votes on cohabitation attracted less comment ^[2]. That asymmetry suggests the cohabitation resolution was less contested than its companion, although the 38 votes against it show that some members disagreed.

How does it compare with other UK churches?

In formal terms, the Methodist position sits at the more permissive end of a spectrum among Britain's main Christian churches, alongside the Quakers. The Catholic Church's Catechism, which applies in Britain as elsewhere, describes a free union as a refusal to give a sexual relationship legal and public form, calls it contrary to the moral law and says sexual acts belong exclusively within marriage ^[6]. It rejects the idea of a trial marriage ^[6]. The Church of England's position, restated in October 2023 in paper GS 2328, is that the doctrine of marriage is unchanged and that sexual intimacy finds its proper place within marriage ^[7].

The Quakers in Britain have long preferred to judge relationships by their quality. Their 1963 report, Towards a Quaker View of Sex, argued that the nature and quality of a relationship is what matters ^[9], and Britain Yearly Meeting recognised same-sex marriage in 2009 ^[9]. On same-sex marriage, the Church of Scotland's General Assembly voted 274 to 136 in 2022 to allow ministers and deacons to apply to become celebrants, with participation optional ^[5]. This article found no equivalent Church of Scotland decision on cohabitation.

A fuller side-by-side comparison, with the source document for each church, is in how Britain's main churches differ on sex before marriage. Readers interested in the social background can turn to the figures on cohabitation in the UK and the legal debate in cohabitation law reform in England. The Methodist decision is a statement of church teaching and practice, not a change in civil law: the law of England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland treats unmarried couples in its own way.

Frequently asked questions

Does the Methodist Church still regard marriage as lifelong?

Yes. Standing Order 011A, as summarised in the Conference's marriage guidance, describes marriage as an exclusive relationship freely entered into with a life-long intention of uniting two people ^[11]. The April 2021 text also says that divorce in a court of the land does not of itself prevent a person from marrying in a Methodist place of worship ^[3].

Can a Methodist minister decline to bless a cohabiting couple?

The sources read do not set out a rule for blessing cohabiting couples, so this is left to ministers and local churches. The conscience provisions in Standing Order 011B are written for marriages: no one authorised to conduct marriages has to officiate against conscience ^[3]. Check with the local circuit for current practice.

What is the report God in Love Unites Us?

It is the report received by the 2019 Conference that led to the 2021 resolutions on relationships, cohabitation and marriage ^[1][2]. It was considered by 30 District Synods, of which 29 supported the resulting provisional resolutions ^[1].

Did the decision divide British Methodists?

Yes, to a degree. The vote on same-sex marriage was 254 to 46 and the vote on cohabitation 253 to 38, so large majorities backed both ^[2]. Evangelical Methodists described the outcome as heart-breaking and said some members had already moved church, though no figures were published ^[4].

Does the decision apply in Ireland?

No. The votes were taken by the Methodist Conference of the Methodist Church in Britain. The Methodist Church in Ireland is a separate church with its own governing structures, and this article did not research its position.

Can cohabiting couples marry in a Methodist church?

Yes. The Conference's marriage guidance says the Church welcomes everyone, whether or not a member, who enquires about an intended marriage ^[11]. Neither the guidance nor the standing orders as read for this article make living apart a condition of marrying.